my baby

Garrett won't even know you're gone.

It's something I kept telling myself as I prepared for this trip.

And maybe he won't remember.

But he sure did know I was gone.

Fussy,

Clingy,

Saying "Mamama" a lot.

And, no, when Jenny came to visit, he didn't think she was me.

I thought he might see her and get excited.

We are identical, you know.

He had a blast with Daddy, Mamo, Pops, Tia Chelsea, Aunt Jenny, Uncle Ben, and Great Grandpa Ken. 

Don't get me wrong.

But he missed his Mama.

When we saw each other for the first time again...

Oh my goodness, I've never seen him so happy! 

So excited!

So giddy!

Face plants on my legs repeatedly.

Crawling as fast as possible to me while snorting with laughter.

Looking back at me as soon as he would crawl away, 

Just to make sure I was still there.

Actually coming to me when I said, "Come here!"

Oh, my baby.

Usually, he makes no fuss when it's bedtime,

But he would not settle down tonight.

I went up once to hold him again.

His eyelids got heavy. 

I put him down before he fell asleep because that's what I do.

I left the room.

Again, he would not settle down.

I couldn't resist.

One night will not start a new routine.

So I went up there again.

He needed his Mama.

As I swayed with him,

I sang through my tears.

His eyelids got heavy as he dozed off.

He needed his Mama.

And as I looked at my precious baby sleeping in my arms,

My heart was bursting.

It took everything in my being to put him in his crib.

He startled awake just a bit.

I rested my hand on his sweet body,

Just like I used to do when he was a tiny little thing,

Sang to him again,

And he relaxed.

Oh, my baby,

I love you and missed you more than I knew was possible.