Good news and bad news.
The good (great!) news is that I get to go back to Africa this summer! Eric and I went to the Village of Hope in 2009 and 2010 (and here, here, here, here, and here...obviously a memorable trip). Last year, since I was pregnant, I didn't get to go. This year (because of some unexpected funds from our tax return), I get to go back! Eric doesn't get to come, however. We can only send one. Don't worry - he's going to take G to Mamo and Pop's house for the week while I'm gone. He'll still work, and the grandparents get more time with the baby!
The bad news. Malaria.
My original plan was to forego the malaria pills so I could still nurse G. My goal was to nurse him for at least a year. Since I had a bit of trouble at the beginning, this goal was very important to me. I was going to pump and dump on the plane (I did that on the Florida trip) and in Africa using batteries to not fry my pump. I had it all figured out.
But I was being irresponsible.
You know the safety guidelines on airplanes about putting your breathing mask on first and taking care of the child second? That has always bothered me, but I get it. You can't help others unless you're okay.
Back to malaria. Kind of a big deal. Just a year ago, there was an article in the Christian Chronicle about Dallas folks who contracted the disease while in Ghana.
It would be really irresponsible of me as a mother to not take malaria pills.
It would also be very difficult to continue nursing if I do take the pills. I would not want them getting into G's system since they are very powerful. I would have to pump for weeks after the trip since I would still have to take the pills upon returning. Also, it would be a pain to pump in Ghana. Really. Even if I did (and I was willing to until yesterday), it is so hard to stay hydrated as it is. We drink like 5 liters of water daily over there and still have trouble peeing. It's just so different from here.
So, my goal of nursing him for a year has been cut two months short. I have three weeks to wean. Aaaaand, go.
Yesterday, I was an emotional wreck. I just hadn't planned on even thinking about weaning until he had turned a year. But I knew it was time. While we were in Florida, I wasn't pumping as much as G was consuming, so I knew my supply wasn't the best. It explains why he has wanted to nurse for longer lately...he's trying to get more. It's just not there. Also, G takes so much solid food now, that the nutrition from my milk is negligible. He's gotten the good stuff and all of the antibodies for nearly 10 months. This is still an emotional decision for me, but I know it's the right one for my family.
Sacrifices. Choosing the responsible choice over my personal goal. This will probably be my Project 52 this week, too. This sacrifice is definitely intentional.
7 comments:
We are at the same place. However, Emily decided to begin weaning herself about a month or two ago. When she first began weaning herself, she still nursed in the morning and I pumped during the day. She refused to nurse at night. Now, she rarely nurses in the morning and I'm working on drying up. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be, but I'm doing it gradually. I really miss the time together, but I suppose it was inevitable. Glad you get to go to Ghana! It is a worthwhile reason to begin weaning, and as you said, you have definitely nursed G for long enough. Have fun! I can't wait to see the pictures!
I weaned when Clara was about 6-7 months (my choice so I could get my cycles back on tack), and though I feel a bit of mommy-guilt like all the best moms were supposed to go for the full year or something - the truth is, I'm actually really was glad I weaned when I did and don't regret my decision. I still bond with Clara and have nice, sweet, quiet moments when feeding her formula from a bottle. I can tell that she still loves me and we still cuddle together during feedings. I haven't lost that at all, even though the 'tap' has changed.
I know that it can be a bit hard emotionally to wean, but know that you don't have to completely lose that bonding time either. And especially now that our kids are on solids and get most of their nutrients from "grown-up food", the need for breastmilk is so much less. You gave your son the best you could for the first important months of his life, and that is awesome! But he is growing up and is moving on to other foods, and as a mom, you also are allowed to focus on some of your desires for your life that don't mix well with breastfeeding.
I know it is hard to wean, but give yourself a huge pat on the back for as far as you've come - it's still a feat to breastfeed for 10 months!
On a more practical note, I found that weaning wasn't as painful physically as I thought it might be. I just slowly dropped feedings and gave my body a couple days to adjust before dropping the next feeding. I took about 3 weeks to wean, though I probably could've done it sooner, but I kept up my morning/night feeds for awhile before my supply really dropped.
Good luck and I'm excited that you get to go to Africa again!
That's really exciting, Laura! I'm glad you get to go although I'm sure the next few weeks will be tough. Praying all goes well for you.
One a practical side, though, I use Malarone for going to Zim and it works really well. What I love is that I only have to start taking it 2 days before my trip and then for only one week after I return. So much better than some of the pills where you have to take them for so long. So between that, Moz bar, and mozzie nets, I've been ok.
That's really exciting, Laura! I'm glad you get to go although I'm sure the next few weeks will be tough. Praying all goes well for you.
One a practical side, though, I use Malarone for going to Zim and it works really well. What I love is that I only have to start taking it 2 days before my trip and then for only one week after I return. So much better than some of the pills where you have to take them for so long. So between that, Moz bar, and mozzie nets, I've been ok.
I am proud of you! You are the best mommy!
So. Much. To. Say!!!! I don't trust blogger to not delete my book, so look for my message on facebook. ;)
What precious memories you have of nursing Garrett for his first 10 months of life. That is such an incredible gift to him; don't discount that time just because you didn't make it to one year. (You could always round up, though ;)) You are such a wonderful example to me and to many others of what a mother's sacrificial love looks like. Thank you for sharing your heart with the blogosphere!
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