Since this post, much has happened. I have talked with Garrett's pediatrician and another pediatrician that goes to my church who I'm close to, and they both say the same thing...
"It's not necessarily what you feed your child, it's your attitude toward him. If you're stressed, he'll pick up on that. Formula is not the end of the world."
After my little experiment a couple Saturdays ago, I emailed G's pediatrician three times. I was having another little breakdown because of Eric going back to work. I was fine with doing it all myself...until it came down to the logistics. I tried to feed G, give him the bottle to top off the feeding, change him, get him settled, and then pump to increase my supply. By the time all was said and done, G was due for another feeding. Um. Breakdown commence.The doc called me on Monday and basically laughed at me. In essence, she said,
"You're right. You can't do it all. If you feel like pumping, then pump. If you don't, then don't. But don't stress yourself out about it."
Ahhh.
Why is it that I just need someone to tell me it's okay before I accept that it's okay? I guess it's the rule-follower/perfectionist in me.
I'm fairly certain that this whole parenting thing will debunk my tendencies in those areas...
Whether I like it or not.
I will say, though, that since that phone call over a week ago, I haven't pumped at all.
Instead, I have enjoyed feeding my son.
I have gotten out every day.
I have finished a book.
I have had many out of town guests and have thrown Eric a birthday party.
Most importantly, though, I have spent QUALITY time with this little guy.
And I wouldn't give that up for anything.
6 comments:
Good job and amen! I'm so glad you have such an encouraging Dr.
Oh, Laura. I am so sorry that you have had to go through the emotional breakdown process, but I've been there! Maybe it's a right of passage into motherhood! ;)I went through the same thing with Hudson when he wasn't gaining enough weight early on, and then again when I went back to work. I wanted to be the perfect mother - like that exists - and not give him any formula, but unfortunately, not all of us are able to do that. As long as he is getting some breastmilk, he's getting the good stuff he needs and if you give all you can give, that's all you can do. Some things are not under our control. Hudson had 50/50 after I went back to work because I just couldn't pump enough, and I was devastated, but the sooner I realized it was ok and I was still doing all I could to get him as much breastmilk as possible, I was much happier. But I agree with you, I HATED pumping, and I'm pretty sure that makes it more difficult to get anything out. The good news is that I haven't had to give Brody any formula at all. And after 3 weeks, I started pumping once a day and I can usually express twice what he will eat, so the rest I am able to save for when I go back to work and I don't get as much time to pump. So...it will likely be better next time, and there is still PLENTY of time for your body to catch up with Garrett...and I'm sure it will. For now, stress less, and enjoy more. Great idea! ;)
... and it won't be your last emotional break down. Kids give you all kinds of reasons to lose your mind. It's a natural part of being a mom ... because you care to much to NOT have the break down.
I read all these articles on women who had to be convinced that it was okay to have a c-section ... it didn't make them any less of a mom. There was nothing on women who had to use formula even though they wanted to breast feed.
He's growing, he's happy, and you're able to enjoy him. Truly that is all that matters :)
Sweet Laura!!! I'm so glad to hear things are going well now and are getting easier. I, too, had a big boy and didn't have enough milk at first. I had an emotional breakdown the first full day we were home when he was suddenly hungry and loosing weight. Ugh...not fun!! I felt like a terrible mama. I had to have a lactation specialist come to the house. We bought a pump and started the nurse, syringe feed, pump cycle. It was EXHAUSTING, because, like you said, as soon as the cycle was finished, it was time to start over. There is NO WAY I could have done it alone those first two or three weeks. I HATED pumping for 20 minutes and getting three drips of milk. It was hard, because I thought if I tried hard enough, I should be able to make enough milk, especially when I talked to friends who had freezers full of pumped milk. Just know that you're not alone. Please let me know if you ever need to talk. The good news is, breastfeeding does get easier!! I promise, in a couple more months you'll both be old pros! I'm glad that you're enjoying feeding your sweet baby boy, even if it's different than you planned. You're right, the important thing is quality time together. Thankfully, someone invented formula for all of the many situations it's needed!! Enjoy these precious newborn days!! I'm only 14 months in, but I can tell you, each stage passes so quickly! Garrett is blessed to have such a loving, conscientious mama and daddy!! PS: I'm way impressed you've had company and thrown a bday party!!
You're doing a great job, Laura. I appreciate your honesty in your posts. I know for sure that my friends with kids have expressed how hard those first few weeks/months can be. Just keep reminding yourself that you're a fabulous mommy. :)
Laura, you are to be commended for recognizing your limits. Not everyone is as willing to accept them, but the fact is that it makes life SO MUCH EASIER when you don't try to be superwoman. Kids have a way of reminding us how human we are. And they totally know when we are stressed and it creates a vicious cycle - happy moms = happy babies.
You're doing great! Enjoy this time, it gets better every day!
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